How do you deal with an ex in court when all he does is tell lies?

I have separated from my husband of 12 years . . . . he has always been a very controlling type of person and vey critical of everything I wanted to do, of my fiends and of my family . . .





Finally after many years of being unhappy I finally told him how I felt . . . and didn't that go down like a lead balloon . . . .He decided to move out and he left the kids with me . . .





I know that the easons we split ae many and complex and that he is not totally to blame and that I had my role to play in all of this too . . . but why does he feel that he needs to make all of this even moe unpleasant tan it already is??





He showed up at my place and i had to call the police as he was making threats and damaged wuite a bit of property. Because of this the police instigated an AVO . . . I wasn't happy that we had to do this but could see that it did need to be done.





We had the hearing in court 2 days ago . . . I knew it was going to be unpleasant but didn't think it would be as bad as it was. He was only there to slander and degragde me I am sure !! He bought up things that were not even elevant to what was happening. He even said that he was going to fight me for the kids.





I was so hoping that we were going to ba able to discuss these matters like esponsible adults but now with his behaviour at the courthouse I am afraid to do this . . . I had put in place so many things which were going to cost me in order for him to see the kids. He now lives 3 hours from us, and only has a vehicle which seats 2 ppl. I had my solicitor put in some interim orders which said I would drive every fortnight for him to see the kids . . . I am now thinking that I don't want to have to do this.. . . (the orders have not yet gone b4 the court, but will be next week) My solicitor said that we can change the orders and he thinks that the judge will be fine with this as He (my ex) needs to do half of the travelling and organising !!





I feel like I have been so nice to him for so long . . . and all i get in return in grief . . . .





How do you deal with all the ugly lies . . . .and half truths . . . that are thrown around in the courtroom?!? and then walk away without being completely flattened?!?How do you deal with an ex in court when all he does is tell lies?
First of all, Divorce and Separation are rarely an event that anyone wants to be a part of, due to the fact that is when all bets are off and usually it is the spurned ex that chooses to retaliate by using slanderous remarks and lies.


';Slander'; can be dealt with through the Judicial Process...Yet, you must first understand that if he states that you are a ';Liar'; and proves that you have lied, that is not slander...yet a ';Truth';. Which goes for ANYTHING that he brings up in Court. If he can prove it, it is NOT Slander and you have no recourse.


However, if he makes an open statement in Court that is NOT true, you can sue him for financial gain and have a Court Document to prove it, as ALL Court Proceedings are recorded.


My best advice is to remain calm through-out any proceedings, no matter What he say's, the Judge usually see's through this type of emotional abuse and advises against it.


As for you driving three hours so that he can see the kid's, I would advise against it and the law for Family Court is very clear regarding visitation process and limitations. It is his responsibility to find means to see the kid's and provide ';Proper'; transportation (i.e: NOT a 2 seater).


In closing, ';Every Story has two sides, we are hearing yours';. You have spent 12 years with this man and have wonderful Children out of it all, I am sure...It is time for you both to realize that no matter what you have between you both to deal with, if you don't handle it like responsible adult's, your Children will be the ones that are affected most.


Simply ask yourselves one question:


If the situation was not what it is, would you stand for any one person to cause emotional distress to your Children?


I hope the answer would be ';No';...Which means neither should either of you.





Good Luck!





Sincerely!


Curious_tyger@yahoo.com