How to deal with ex and our daughter?

My ex and I are divorced (abuse) and he has supervised visitation with our daughter (age 4), but hasn't chosen to take her in a year and a half. He does sometimes meet us in public places to see her. He has chosen to start coming to her tball games (which normally would be a good thing) but comes after it starts and leaves before it's over (by his choice). Tonight she cried her eyes out that he didn't even hold her before he left. She begged me to call and see if he would meet us somewhere. I did, but I gave her the phone. She talked to him then asked if we could go to the ice cream store (which is 30 minutes from our home.) Still, thinking it worthwhile to take her so she could see her Daddy, I agreed. Then, I got on the phone to see what time he would be there. He said he wasn't coming, but he couldn't stand to hear her cry and said he promised her I would take her.





What should I have done? How would you deal with it?How to deal with ex and our daughter?
You can驶t make him see his daughter. My wife tried allowing her ex to be dad and see her and he finally agreed to start spending time with MY daughter, that jerk has no right to call her his kid. Anyway, he saw her a few times and then lost interest. It messed her up in the head BAD. We went through extensive counseling with her to help her get over it. This all happened about 8 or 9 yrs ago. She is a very happy 17 yr old now and does not recognize the ex as her father. I驶m dad and will always be dad.





You can驶t make him be a father and in the long run it will only hurt your daughter if you force him to be one.How to deal with ex and our daughter?
You must give her all the love you have. You can do nothing about a spineless man who won't show attention and affection to his own offspring. Just show all the love you can to your precious daughter. She will never forget how you held her when she cried. PS. Her father won't forget it either, but that's his problem.
You need to talk to him before this becomes a bigger issue, if he tells her he is going to do something, then he needs to do it. He can't continue to do this or it is going to destroy their relationship. If he can't do it tell him he has to be honest with her. Good luck.
You tell him if he really wants to spend time with his daughter,


to start acting like a father. Sounds to me like child abuse on his part. I wouldn't let him put her through this type of abuse.


Talk with your attorney %26amp; explain what he is putting your daughter through on his visits.
you need to stick to the vistation court order for him, ever though you want him to see her, he needs to be accountability in seeing her on his own, it makes it too hard on the child, having him in and out of her life, she has you are the stable loving parent
This is why I don't beleive in marriage. Look at all the trouble that it causes.





Marriage is like a nuclear bomb.
It's not right. His choices and games are affecting both of you. The bad thing is you can't make him do anything. It sucks that you put all the effort into being a good Mom, taking care of her every need, giving her your unconditional love, and going out of your way to make sure she sees her Dad and he pulls that crap.


I to a degree know how you feel before I adopted my ex's daughter from her previous marriage. He would call and make detailed plans, get her all pumped up, then not show. He would call her up and say ';Mommy told me she has a surprise for you'; when in reality nothing was ever mentioned to him about a surprise so of course we had to make it happen so she wasn't crushed. Then there was a point where he didn't show up for over a year. Not even a phone call on her birthday and she was old enough to realize that. It hurt her and that hurt us. She took him to court and he was at jeopardy of losing supervised visitations (drugs and abuse), but in the end he gave up his rights and I was able to adopt her. Unfortunately at this point I'm not sure if there is much you can do legally unless you can prove abuse, illegal drug use, or emotional problems to the court...... anything showing he is unfit for what little visitation he already has. I know it's hard, but it will get better at some point. Know my heart is out there for the two of you and I'm here any time you need to talk!
i found this book


what about the kids





is a great book in advising how to talk to your kids after divorce. the author is a consultant in kids issues after divorce who worked in that field for 30 years. she did research on kids and how they grew up years later on.





what i liked that she does not talk out of theories or desktop research, but out of 100s of personal experiences she witnessed over the years.





she will tell you what's the best talk you do with kids in every stage of their lives. i selected this book after really careful search and reading reviews on the net.





i dont recall it talking specifically about this situation, abusive distant parent. but, i am sure you will find many answers to difficult questions.
I'm sorry you have to go threw this crap Flor I sure wish things could be better for your daughter i know it breaks your heart it broke mine just reading your post..little girls love their dads and as she grows she will feel hes distance...but never let her lose respect for him or she will lose respect for all men and have troubled relationships when shes a young lady..





you cant force him to be there...I'm sure he has hes own demons to fight ...hopefully he will come to hes senses and make life better for himself and your daughter..





best of luck my best wishes..





Lulu
i had a similar experience with my son's father. also abusive. i did much of the same things you have done, but i wasn't sure what was best for my son. looking back i wish i had tried more to ease my son out of his life, so he didn't have any expectations of his father. unless her dad changes it will never get better. my son is now 9 and refuses to have anything to do with his dad. when he turned 7 he began to put more together and he would ask his dad... why didn't you do this when you said you would, or you said you were working but i saw your car here.... it was so hard. my son's heart was breaking. i quit mentioning his dad ( i used to try to include his dad on special outings... etc.. ) and gradually he got used to him being absent. i also got him involved in special activities with other young adult men who wanted to spend time with him. between them and my father and his uncles he feels loved, and has his self-confidence back. i am sorry you are going through this. it is by far the hardest thing i went through. good luck.