How to deal with ex- he acts like he still cares but denies it?

I would like help dealing with an ex boyfriend situation. 10 points for the best answer, since it's so long.





We were each others first loves, it took him two months to talk to me, he would just stare into my eyes. Once we finally did, we were obsessed.He even told his mom that he loved me more than he loved her. Anyways, he proposed the idea for us to take a break, and I went along with it, figuring it would be good, because we just needed space. The next day, he tried to kiss me, but I resisted. He got mad and started telling people that I had cheated on him and he kept trying to get me jealous. (we go to school together). I ignored it. I tried to contact him to give him his things back, but he never answered so I brought his things in a bag to school and set them in front of him and walked away. He left the bag there. My guy friends, who are really protective over me, knew how he was treating me and didn't like it, so word got around that they were going to fight him. He heard and approached them, and I just happened to walk by when they were about to start fighting. A crowd had already gathered, but before they could start fighting I jumped in and starting punching him before the cops pulled me off. He was stunned, shaking and speechless. It was the talk of the school for a bit, but eventually people forgot about it. He began doing drugs and skipping class, which he never did before. He also started making everyone refer to him by his last name, and now doesn't answer to his first name. Other people noticed the changes in him, and his art teacher suggested I should try and talk to him. I drove to his house and we layed in the grass together, talking. He told me that he didn't care about me anymore and that I didn't need to worry about him. He was holding back tears though. After a couple of hours, we hugged, I left, and I figured it was all over. Two days later, he got a new girlfriend, and I let him be. The summer came, and he went back to his hometown for two months. During that time I realized he was getting people to check up on me for him on myspace, once I realized what was happening I put a stop to it. I also got a new boyfriend, but broke up with him for other reasons.


During the first couple months of school he would pass by my classes, staring at me through the door.I always just turned away. I figured he was playing games.


Then I was introduced to a girl who liked him and wanted me to tell her what he was like. I told her the truth, and she was dumbfounded. She told me that everything he says about him and his new girlfriends relationship sounded exactly like what I told her about ours. She thought I should try and talk to him. And of course, I did. I called him one day after 5 months of not talking, and he hung up on me immediately. I texted him saying that I was offended and didnt understand why he would hang up when we were supposed to be cool with each other. He called back and apologized. He said he was just so shocked to hear my voice he didn't know what to say. He then told me that he was sorry for everything he did to me, and I said I was sorry too and that I never meant to hurt him. But he told me to not get in between him and his girlfriend, so i told him i wouldn't. I asked him about all the myspace stalking, and he denied it. The next day, he tried to move closer to me when we were around each other. Then my friend told me that he walked right up to me and just stared at me, but i was looking the other direction so he walked away looking hurt.I just let it go. Another couple of months went by, and I heard he was talking about some personal stuff about us, to a group of people. I was mad so I called him. I thought he was going to be hostile towards me but instead he spoke softly and said he was sorry if he woke me up and that he would let me sleep if I wanted. I continue to call him by his first name, and he said it was ok but I'm the only person who can call him that. But he still swears he doesn't care about me anymore. He is still going out with that girl, but she goes to a different school. He also still does drugs and skips at least 2 days out of the week. Then a few days ago I was at work and got a call that one of my guy friends who was involved in the fight between us, his little sister who is 14 had snuck out after a fight with her mom and he picked her up to take her to spend the night. I got my friend and his mom and we went to his house and got her, there was lots of drama. He swore that he was just trying to provide a safe place for her to stay.


Then last night we ended up hanging out at his house(first time in 3 months that we were alone together), I told him I didn't want to go home so he cancelled his plans and stayed with me. We just talked and listened to music. We then got drunk and didn't do anything sexual but we fell asleep holding each other.


What do you think is going on? Does he still have feelings?


How do I get him to admit it?How to deal with ex- he acts like he still cares but denies it?
First of all you both need to grow up. That is your first and most important step. He was very immature for lying about you. You were also very immature for starting to pound on him when he was already surrounded by your friends. How old are you two anyway, 10? Believe me, getting revenge on your ex lover is never wise. I've been down that road before. As far as whether he has feelings for you, yes he certainly does and I have to say I think you also have feelings for him. Have you admitted it to him? Perhaps admitting it to him would cause him to admit it to you. But before either of you go down that road please, grow up.How to deal with ex- he acts like he still cares but denies it?
You don't need him. If he can't be independent without you then you don't want a moocher/leecher/whatever you want to call it.





Me and my hubby have separate lives and together lives. I have a couple of my girl friends and he has his guy friends. The world would not come crashing down on either of us if the other left. It would hurt for a healthy amount of time, but we wouldn't TRASH our lives over it.





You don't want someone that REVOLVES around your being there. Its not healthy and you will grow to resent him.
well really why do u want him to admit it??


why??


do u still have feelings for him?


or is there something u didnt coveerr?


look he doesnt have feeelings im sry to tell u that if u wtill like him,
Yes, you are right, this is a long story-- but so interesting and your English is so good. Anyways.


I am surprised that you seem to not see how much the drug problem is important in this story. This guy is obviously suffering and using drugs to dull his pain. But do not think you are responsible for his suffering, you are not-- he is. I can see imbalance in his emotional makeup. I am not sure why you are pursuing a romantic relationship with a guy who a) has a girlfriend, b) has caused you and others so much trouble and pain, c) who does not know where the heck he is going.


My advice: Drug heads are bad news. People who hate you, then love you, then hate you again, make your life hell. People who create problems for others are to be avoided. Move on. Now. Before more damage is done. And don't look back. You will be happy you did. Best to you.
Sounds like he is on some bad drugs, headed down the wrong road and he is going to take you with him. You are going to have trouble for the rest of your life and be depressed and never get anywhere in life. Get away from him. Don't even be friends with him. He also sounds like he may be a control freak. He will get you brainwashed into thinking his way and you will end up hating him and he will hate you. It is not worth it. Get away from him now and forget him. You will be a lot better off.
You will never get him to admit it unless he wants to. Your his secure blanket Been there done it ! You'll be the loser when he finds someone new. Be a friend but don't wait for him. Go on with your life as hard as it is and enjoy it!!! Listen you will find someone that realyy cares and appericates you and does'nt make you feela bad about youself.
wow. you have alot going on. i think he might still have feelings for you, but is just afraid of getting hurt again (when i say again i mean when you wouldnt kiss him). he does not want anyone to know he is upset or was ';rejected'; by you therefore he tried the tough guy act and is putting it on way too strong. i think you are doing a good job now though so continue with it. what i mean by that is, just be a friend to him. even just an aquantince. when you pass him in the halls try to say hello to eachother. if that works out then slowly start hanging out with eachother. after a while you will become friends, and he will get more comfortable around you, perhaps admitting his feelings for you. he might also be depressed now and that will also change when you two become friends. i really want to stress the friends part though. do not lead him on and if you developpe feelings for him, dont do anything rash. talk about how you feel and how he feels and go from there. try and have a very open relationship with him. but for now just keep doing what your doing and ease into a friendship. i really hope this all works out for you, you sound very nice from the little story and so does he. i hope you guys will become friends again (:
okay so...i think he is just a dumb *** and u look way too deeply into it!


he's obviously the obsessive type if he jsut stares at you, which is kind of creepy, but thats beside the point! when he told you that he wanted a small break he wanted to see how much you cared, next day he tried to grow closer but obviously didnt work, his ego was hurt thats why he probably spread **** around... the fight thing is kinda pointless we guys get that dumb sometimes, getting a new girlfriend and staying with her for a while means he cared for her, he just played you, kept you on a side for ';what if'; situation... doing drugs and skipping doesnt always come from a break up so dont blame urself for that. he doesnt care about u in the way u think, he just wants to get somewhere with you, and you shud be careful if he is the obsessive type...
This sound like a guy who's ego was dispersed into pieces on the floor. When he said lets take some time apart he still wanted the benefits of a boyfriend but not to be committed to you. Maybe he was trying to get a taste of some new (meow) but didn't wish to tell you. You know how guys or want to be pimps are (*in front of friends* I got this girl, this hoe, this chick ....) Maybe he was too cocky and only wished you still showed you have feeling towards him. Since I am not him I can not say what is on his mind. but based on what I read it sounds like you burst his ego all over the floor when you didn't give him a kiss, placed all his stuff in a bag for him to carry in front of all his friends, potential mates, and enemies (if any). Believe it or not men are very emotional and they handle their emotions different then us.





You are not going get him to admit if he has feelings for you. He has too much pride. What you should do is since you really care about him, get him when he is alone and let him release all energy to you. Let him do all the talking. Do not give him advice! Just let him speak and ask him how does he feel, why he feels that way, how can you help.... Let him know that you are there for him. Do not let him know you have feelings for him or he will tease you with it. Either way if that doesn't work leave him alone. You already invested enough time with him.
It sounds like he's very afraid to admit he still has feelings because he feels extremely rejected from not getting that kiss and handling it the way he did seemd really immature and kind of nuts (no offense). It seems kind of crazy too though to suggest taking a break with someone and then trying to kiss them the exact day after. Why don't you just ask him if he still has feelings? Or tell him how you feel about him, what you think is going on.. something like ';it seems like you still have feelings for me, you tell people all these things about you [us] if you have something to say about me, then talk to me about it, don't be undercover about it...'; Do you want to get back with him? From all the crazy **** that happened, I would try to move on, it sounds like he has some growing up to do.
it seems like he cares for you more than he wants to admit to HIMSELF.


im not sure how to get him to admit that he still cares.


ask him.


if he then denies it, then ask him why he stares at you still.


why he still insists on fighting over you and why he still hangs out with you.


ask him why he fell asleep holding you.


if he cant answer.


say ';i knew you cared';