What kind of boundaries did you set? Such as, do you mind if they talk everyday, take care of their animals when on vacation, mow the yard, etc? Do you allow them to talk on the phone without your presence? Do you trust them?What boundaries do you have with partner when dealing with ex-spouses?
If you choose a partner with baggage, you'd better be in for a bumpy ride. It's not your right to set boundaries. If you don't trust them you shouldn't be with them. A child is a special bond two people share. And you will never be able to limit or separate that bond.What boundaries do you have with partner when dealing with ex-spouses?
Good luck. Love is a tricky thing!!!!
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I guess some people don't know how to let go! When ex's continue to stay connected this way they make it difficult for other people to have a decent relationship with them. It makes you wonder why they even got divorced. The only thing that should matter is that they get along for the child ....not caring for each other's animals doing one another's yard work. I would think that any phone conversations should be about the child and be left at that. It's called moving on in your life when you involve another person and taking that person's feelings into account and putting the past in the past. They share a sexual history together and that by nature in itself can make another woman in the picture feel very uncomfortable. It's one thing for a divorced couple to get along for their child and that is great but not when it includes evrything else!! I am not sharing my turkey dinner with her or watching them both exchange christmas gifts with each other. I am sorry but there would have to be a limit on my give and take here. If I am going to be a part of this mans life now he would have to allow for some changes here. His focus would have to be on the two of us and his ex would have to hire herself a new lawn boy!! Just as he would have to hire one for himself if the yard could not wait untill we arrived back from vacation!! I would not appreciate that much interaction between them being involved in this mans life. Besides it just is not being respectfull if he cares and loves me now if what I feel about the way he does things matters to me. If I were to become his new future wife someday this would have to stop because it would be the right thing to do! You have no reason to become her best friend or feel any obligation to allow you significant other to attend to her responsibilities to care for herself! As far as trusting them in this situation I would only trust myself.....If I feel this is to much then it is and if he wants me in his life now he needs to put things in the right order. I would share the best of myself with his child in making her feel loved and wanted....but those feelings are not going to extend to the mother on any level. The child could have a special birthday party with me and the father and his immediate family invited and mom does her child in her own home with her family.The child can be told that she is special on her big day because she gets two birthday parties! This also extends to all special and major holidays! I would need to do theses things to allow myself to bond with his child in our own way and for the two of us along with dad have our own separate connection as our own family. When this man incuded you in his life your feelings and needs about things should be be considered in how things are to be in your invironment. I am sorry but this is my opinion but the only thing that needs to be shared here are only the concerns of the child......anything else is not acceptable for me to feel that I was now that special person in his life.
When it comes to the children only then should they be speaking. NOT everyday,, and mowing the grass? why doesn't she mow it? I don't need anyone mowing my grass and i have kids and a man i just like to do it myself. I have found that alot of women who are divorced and the ex gets another relationship going, they somehow come up with excuses to see the ex, i guess it is wanting something that they can't have. But they had them before and treated them like s***.
read the questions here tonight mate and i reckon i wouldnt let them within coee of each other
I set my own rules which consists of: Don't do anything stupid and don't try to f--k. me over or I will f--k you over and blindside you.
Oh yes you do set boundaries. You have to, you are the new love of his/her life, not the ex and not the child. I do sound harsh, but I am in one of those situations. Its not easy! But no child or an ex will tell you how to live your life. You should ask him/her how visitation with the child works and then you plan YOUR life around that. Any other contact with the ex is not part of the deal. You can keep it civil for all, but remeber its your life and you are the adult. Dont let it run your life for you.
I trust my husband very much. I have told him that our present life is none of her business, she doesn't need to know anything. They have kids, talk about the kids, nothing personal. No he doesn't do anything for her, as she has more than one boyfriend who is quite capable of looking after her. I prefer that he only talk to her with anyone present so that words dont get twisted and he wont end up back in court, That has nothing to do with trust that is covering your own a$$.
I think there have to be some boundaries.....this is a very hard question.....My boyfriend of over 5 years used to go to his ex-wife and kids house for ALL holidays....leave me at home with my children and go there and spend the entire holiday with them they live out of state so he would be gone for days.....and stay at their house....well I had to put a stop to that when we got serious....Now his daughter still wants him there for everything.....the ex is crazy I mean really crazy so its not like we can all go and have a good time.....she would with out a doubt beat me up...so that's out of the question....I asked him to explain in like this to his daughter.....I love you more than life itself and you are still 100% apart in my life, but my life is here with kandi now, so you can come here to visit any time you want to.....I think that is fair to all of us........but I guess I'm the only one that thinks so because his daughter is still asking him to go there. Its tough, have a great day!!
I would have to agree totally with answerer #1, except that I would have to ad a little to it. If your spouse is indeed totally in love with you, then they themselves have already set boundaries for themselves. However, I personally would think that mowing lawns and animal sitting is carrying it a bit far. Just my opinion.
Isn't better this way than have them fighting and cussing and thrown a fit? They will be connected for the next 18+ years. It is nice that they can help each other with stuff when they are out of town. You say partner so I guess you are not married you can't have a say in anything that they do. Have they given you reason for mistrust, it not then don't worry.
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