How to deal with ex's ';discipline'; of a 6 year old?

My boyfriend and I have been together nearly a year now, he has a 5 (turned 6 today) year old daughter. Mom spoils the girl to extremes, buying her stuffed animals for no reason at all. Everytime she comes to see her dad she has a new stuff animal. She can be a real brat too. I know its a kindergarten thing, but mom lets her get away with everything. Not finishing food, not paying attention, not doing what youre asked, etc. She flat out ignores us sometimes. How can we reverse this without wreaking havoc on her. She is already having enough to deal with just the fact her parents are divorced. She knows she is not allowed to get away with those things when she is with us but she keeps trying. Also, how do you deal with the ';I miss my mommy'; whining when she gets in trouble for stuff (you know she misses her because she wouldnt have got in trouble for it at her moms). Thanks for your input.How to deal with ex's ';discipline'; of a 6 year old?
The most important thing that has to happen is that you and your boyfriend need to agree on a basic set of ground rules that will happen when his daughter is visiting. He should communicate that with his ex.





It would naturally be best if it was communicated to the little girl that these are her daddy's rules and she has to listen to them in his house.





Second, you are certainly within your rights and responsibility to discipline the little girl when she is at your house, but it will not be effective if your bf doesn't back you up.How to deal with ex's ';discipline'; of a 6 year old?
First of all you are not her mom, so don't try to be. That will cause more problems. Second, your boyfriend and his ex need to talk about behavioral expectations and house rules and try to make sure the little girl has consistency when she goes from one house to the next without it she will be a teenager hellbent on ruining your lives.





Good Luck
Hi there, well - you can't do anything about Mom buying her stuffed animals but as far as her behavior is concerend you can have rules that she knows she has to follow. She's six and understands a lot more than a lot of people think. Because of the divorce she's probably playing the two against one another (yes at such a young age they do that) she will try to get away with all that she can while she's with you and Dad but it's important for Mom and Dad to communicate and have the same rules at both of the houses (this way the daughter understands she has to have acceptable behavior). When she is in trouble at your house and she screams ';I miss Mommy'; let her know when she'll see or talk to Mommy next - other than that whinning isn't acceptable behavior - as you stated she's only screaming it because something didn't go her way. And she probably really don't ';miss'; Mommy - she knows she could have got away with whatever she done if she was at Mommy so that is what she wants you to think. I'm sure she loves her Mom and Dad but at 6 she's very smart and believe it or not very sneaky and will try whatever to make you or Dad feel bad when something doesn't go her way. Best thing to do is have an agreement with Mom to have set rules - if that doesn't work it'll be harder at first but eventually she'll know/understand and follow the rules you and Dad set for her.